Do you have a second?

Time is a funny thing, but I?ll get back that later. Essentially time is a man-made phenomenon. While it?s helpful in describing the world around us and its events, it?s not required. Take away the time index and the universe will still continue to be. In fact, there is no real proof that time even applies to the universe itself, merely our perception of the universe. However shocking this may seem, it?s unimportant. We are human; to us time is perhaps the most important phenomenon driving our lives. When I think of time though, I can?t help but think of one sad event that still haunts my memory.

It?s been seven long years since the tragic Travis Roy accident yet two or three times a day the phrase ?eleven seconds? races through my mind. 11 God damned seconds, not even enough time to heat a cup of coffee. 20 years of hard work, sweat, and dedication; 20 years of working your ass off to play college hockey, 20 years leading to what will be the most memorable event of your lifetime. 11 seconds later, your life is changed. 20 years, 11 seconds, then the rest of your life: in a wheelchair.

?Eleven seconds? raced through my mind last Saturday as a normal night of hockey suddenly became more memorable. We were on the way home, me following my friend?s van when we approached a stoplight. The light was green roughly 15 seconds before we approached and stayed green. As my friend was halfway through, an 18 wheeler failed to stop soon enough for his red light and came sliding through the intersection on the icy Michigan roads.

My friend came to a sudden screeching stop, literally 5 feet from the semi. 5 feet more, 1mph faster and I would be spending this Saturday night at the funeral home instead of on the ice with my mates. Time has a wonderful way of playing out.

While my car was damaged in the accident, I couldn?t help thinking about the timing of events. What if we had left the ice early? What if we hadn?t stopped to chat in the lobby? Would we have spent the rest of the night laughing in the gas station parking lot or crying in the hospital? Would our parents be grounding us or would we be in the ground? What if I had stopped for a quick drink after the game? Would I still have my car?

Thinking back to 11 seconds, what about Travis who was tragically injured just 11 seconds into his first ever shift in his first ever game with Boston University. 11 seconds, wow! Imagine what could have happened in those 11 seconds. One extra or one less body check, one errant pass, one lost face-off and Travis would be playing in the NHL.

Time is funny like that. We spend all of our time planning for the future, but with what certainty do we do so? And when we do so, do we allow for the possibility of change? The amount of time required for one?s life to be completely altered is infinitesimally small, but what happens when it is? All of your life working toward a goal, yet in less time than required to tie your shoe it can all be taken away. Over the course of their life the average person experiences 2,680,560,000 distinct seconds. It only takes a few of them to shake up the world as you know it. Are you prepared for your fateful eleven seconds?

January 1st, 2005

My take on the console wars – Part 3

Okay, this is the last time you will have to listen to me babble on about games, like betend, for at least a while.

Everyone always wants to know who will win the console war. The fact is, that only one company is actually trying to win it ? and that company is Sony. Considering how long the PS2 has been on the market, and the fact that Sony is still outselling the GameCube and Xbox by a lot, I?d say that Sony have ?won? this war.

So what are the other two doing if they are not trying to win? Well after the infamous console known as the Nintendo 64, I?d say that Nintendo are trying to restore credibility and respect to their consoles. They are also trying to lose their ?kiddy? image, by doing things such as securing the Resident Evil series and getting exclusive games out such as Eternal Darkness and Metroid Prime. Through the next 4 years, if Nintendo can shed their ?only for kids? tag, and make everyone remember the quality of games on the GameCube the same as we now remember the quality of the games on the Super Nintendo, then Nintendo will be one very happy company.

As the new kid on the block, Microsoft would be aiming to leave an impression as a quality gaming company, build up an initial fan base and attract many third party developers. Yes, I know Microsoft stated that by the end of the Xbox?s lifespan they would want 50% of the gaming industry, but either Microsoft are a pack of idiots or that was just a stunt to add to their hype. I think Microsoft also want to get the Xbox recognised as the online gaming console.

Everyone enjoyed the games of the Nintendo and the Master System, but once the Genesis and the Super Nintendo was released, games were really ironed out and the quality was vastly improved. During the PlayStation and 64 era, 3D gaming because popular, but only this generation has it really been ironed out.

My point is not to expect too much in this generation of online gaming. The PC is already a far superior platform to have online gaming, not to mention that the most popular online genres, Real Time Strategy and First Person Shooter are much better suited to the mouse and keyboard.

If you to don’t want to wait at a casino in order to play your favorite games like you often have to do at physical casino venues, consider playing at casino sites like www.sitidigiochi.com/casino/bwin now.

The funny thing about all that I have written in this is ? I live in Australia. What this means is that I have never played a Cube, have had one game of Dead or Alive 3 on the Xbox and have never played Final Fantasy X or Metal Gear Solid 2. When I first started writing these I thought that this decreases my credibility, although the more I think about it, its not really that bad. Rather then you guys reading these articles based on one opinion of a gamer, you have read them based on the general consensus of the web. Over my (Australian) summer job I had 8 hours a day to surf the web (and play my GameBoy). Basically I?ve spent a very long time reading over all the games and specs, and I hoped these articles were of interest to you.

Cop ya,
Kung Fu

January 1st, 2005

How Cliche

I may be blind on the outside, but inside I burn bright. Follow me, for I will show you the way. I?m all that you need baby. I am omnipresent and powerful, I make the world go round. I prosper with wealth and I may cost you money, but you can?t buy me fool. Don?t even try.

Don?t bother looking for me, because you won?t find me. You can?t see me but I?m in your bedroom. I?ll die in your bedroom too, but I?m so much more than that. I?m everywhere. I provide you with fuel just in time to consume you. I?m a God damned battlefield, I?ll conquer all!

I keep you burning. I keep you alive. I am the answer to all your questions and the question to all your answers. You need me desperately, but don?t fall for me too hard babe, I?m dangerous. I can be one cruel bastard. Just give me the chance and I?ll tempt you, trick you, drug you, and fool you. I don?t play favorites. I?m never on time and I?m never where you expect me. I won?t wait for you either. Don?t worry I?ll get to you sooner or later though. You can?t hide from me, I?ll find you. I always do. I?m lurking around every corner. I hide in the most miniscule nook or cranny. I?m portable.

My name is Love. Welcome to my shack.

January 1st, 2005

alt.sex – the movie!

A while ago VanGogh mentioned something about finding websites that you just can?t keep to yourself. This isn?t quite the same but it is something I felt needed to be shared with everybody.

I recently had the opportunity to speak with an interesting guy named Eric Bickernicks, and during our conversation he told me of a movie he produced and offered to send me a CD in the mail. So as not to upset him, I said sure and provided him with an address that I could be reached at.

Being an independent film my expectations for it were pretty low, however it?s safe to say that they were greatly exceeded. From what I saw, Eric definitely has some talent; talent that needs to be encouraged.

His movie, titled Alt.sex, is what he calls ?an offbeat comedy about the surreal world of dating, computers, and the internet?; things that many of us can no doubt relate to. The movie starts out when our hero John and his girlfriend break up (quite interestingly) and his friends step in to help him find a new girlfriend.

In his search for the perfect mate, John encounters a malicious hacker, voyeuristic co-workers, and loads of porn as he works his way through personal ads, chat rooms, rednecks, clowns (a cameo by the director), and lots of fishnet stockings.

Overall this is a great film that shows it?s not how much you spend on production (in this case only $32,000) that makes a great film, but rather the story that it tells that determines success.

As of the typing of this article, Alt.sex in it?s full format (as well as a 10 meg trailer for those of you with dialup) were available free for download on the film?s website: Altsexmovie.com

January 1st, 2005

Meat!

For many people, nothing compares to a nice rump stake, a lamb roast or some slices of bacon. Yet I find that people generally have the most absurd double standards when it comes to meat.

Do you eat steak? Would you eat kidneys? Do you eat chicken? Would you eat chicken feet? Do you eat lamb? Would you eat a dog?

The Crocodile Hunter strongly believes that Australians should not eat kangaroos. They are not endangered, in fact they are becoming somewhat of a pest, yet he has strong convictions against eating them. But eating cows are OK according to him, just not Kangaroos.

I think this is all crap, and that it?s all hypocritical. And the worst part is that most meat eaters can?t understand us vegetarians. They think its one of the craziest ideas ever, and couldn?t fathom doing that, yet they honestly believe that foreigners eating cats is disgusting. Well I?ve got news for you ? you are doing the exact same thing that they are. One type of animal life is not worth more or less then another so don?t pretend that you are taking some sort of higher moral stand.

Later,
Kung Fu

January 1st, 2005

Who are you?

On the first day of my high school psychology class the professor went around the room asking everybody questions. When he got to me he said ?who are you?? ?I?m Ryan? I said, cheerfully adding in a ?nice to meet you!? He gave me a quick look over before saying ?yeah, it says that on my list, but who are you?? Thinking for a moment, I gave the same answer many of you might have given back then: ?I?m a senior, captain of the wrestling team, the fireman?s son; I play hockey.?

If you would have asked me that question last month, you?d have gotten basically the same answer. ?I?m Ryan, a 20 year old computer engineering major. I work at [fortune 500 company?s name left out], play hockey and I?m dating Nicole (a 19 year old Chemical engineering major, played tennis, etc..) My father is the deputy fire chief. You know, drives the red car!

It may have taken me about 4 years, but after a new major, a new job and losing a girlfriend, I now realize how juvenile my answer to his question was. I was doing exactly what he expected me to do; conforming to yet another of society?s bad habits.

What are we? A very profound question it is, yet how would you answer? From the moment we enter this world, we are defined by what we do. In school we have the jocks, geeks and burnouts, in high school it gets worse. After school, we have students, blue collar workers and slackers, after work we have careers. If anyone has been to a funeral lately, I?m sure you?ve heard the deceased referred to by his or her profession; Homemaker, doctor, policeman, ventriloquist, etc. Can you tell me who your friends are without telling me what they do?

We define ourselves and others by what we do, yet does it hold any truth? I just quit my job, switched my major and lost my girlfriend. Almost everything that once defined me as a person has now changed, but am I the same person? If yes, then what is it that defines me as a person?

Wait, let me take some of that back, it?s not everything we do, it?s just what we do that defines us. Take screwing up for example. One can go to college, get a degree, work an honest job for below average pay, volunteer at church, donate to charity, and coach his son?s t-ball team. One too many nights out drinking with the guys however, and he?s forever labeled a felon.

Once he?s labeled though, he can forget about that pay raise, coach of the year award, or invite to the church picnic. It just doesn?t seem right. It?s like an old friend once told me. ?You can build a thousand bridges in your life, but if you suck one dick, you?ll never be referred to as a bridge builder, only a cocksucker?.

January 1st, 2005

An idea about friends

What are friends for do you think? To make you feel happy, to fill the void of not having a member of the opposite sex love you, to steal the girl that you have loved for months, to steal all your CD?s and play mind games with you saying they never took them in the first place? I think friends are there to make you feel happy, the more you have the happier you are. Popularity is such a confidence booster. Confidence leads to happiness, and happiness leads to being able to enjoy life.

Think about it; the only reason we want to live is to make ourselves happy. You?re not happy, you don?t want to live. A reason why you might not be happy? No friends; no one to bitch your problems too. No matter how much you think you want to make someone else happy (possibly by doing something that might disadvantage you), it always comes back to you?re doing it because it will benefit you somewhere later in life. Note I know this is probably only in my mind and maybe I am actually the only selfish person in the world, but hey this is what discussion is for, tell me if you think this is total bs.

I feel I have quite a few friends. I suppose they are there for me when I feel down, which is like always, but I don?t ever seem to tell them how I?m truly feeling, and as much as I forever need help and advice from other people I never ask or tell anyone. Why? I?m trying to figure it out. Maybe I feel I don?t believe I can trust them. But I can think of at least 3 people I?m positive I can trust. I think the main reason is that I?m embarrassed. It?s annoying too, seeming that I have great respect for any of my friends that come to me with a problem that has them really worried, yet I feel if I approach one of my friends with a problem of mine they?ll lose some respect for me. And I?m a person that cannot stand the idea that maybe someone is thinking anything remotely bad about me. Confidence I believe that would relate to.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. What do you think of people that aren?t really your ?close friends?? People that you practically just ?use? to help you through a tough time, to bitch about your life and all your love problems? People like this are sometimes not very close to you, e.g. you only talk to them on the internet or on phone, you never go anywhere with each other in person. They are normally very good at handling all of your life?s problems, hence that?s normally the only reason you talk to them. Would you call this using someone? The idea of always talking to someone to get desperately needed help about one of your problems can be brought back to the idea that friends are only there for your own personal happiness. Well let?s just say this idea is true, nothing deters the fact that these types of friends are gems (yes it rhymes, no I didn?t plan on it to).

Think about it, all anyone ever wants is for someone to listen to them. Everyone has a story to tell. But who ever wants to listen to someone else? Lots of people I?m sure, but wouldn?t you much rather be discussing your own problems? After all, your own happiness is all that matters in life, right? These special friends you can have seem to be happy to listen to you rant and bitch about your problems, and even throw in a few solutions here and there too, no extra charge. Having someone that you know will listen to you is a great feeling. They?re the people you can trust, don?t ever lose them. I know I?ve lost a few, I know I want them back, in fact I need them back. So here?s some advice from your friendly 16 year old teenager; don?t lose people you know you can trust, they?re hard to come by.

January 1st, 2005

Your Money or Your Life (Part I)

It was a hot August afternoon; the mid-day sun was beating down hard on the pavement of the city below. A single drop of sweat rolled down his furrowed brow. Nervously he wiped it aside and flung it onto the pavement where it immediately evaporated. Two more beads formed on his forehead, but he hardly noticed. One of them rolled into his eye, but without blinking his eyes remained focused, his gaze was on the task ahead.

His eyes were staring straight ahead, his right arm slightly extended, glistening in the hot sun above. His hand was quivering, fingers shaking as they tightly gripped the hard, cold black handle of his revolver. With a slight tremor his jaw opened and he muttered out ?give me your wallet?.

Thoughts were racing through his head now. What was he doing? Did he really have to do this? Of course he did. There was no other way, this is what it had come to; he had to go through with it, but what did this mean? What had he let himself become?

It all started about a year earlier. It sort of just sneaked up on him on some idle Tuesday. He was a young man, mid thirties. Two kids, a wife, dog, house in the suburbs, he had it all. He was a shipping clerk, worked nights on the river. The pay was shitty, but it didn?t really matter. Linda, his wife took care of that. She was in politics; state representative for that matter. Everything was going swell.

Then it happened, that one day that started him on his downward spiral. Linda?s cancer finally caught up with her and she was taken from him at the age of 32. It?s also about this time that he began drinking heavily. For you see, it seems Linda had been having a secret affair. While he got the house and the kids, some Washington intern got everything else.

The kids were getting older now, one was even starting college. Unable to find means to support his children his drinking grew increasingly heavier. It wasn?t long before the county came and took his house, and then the drinking got out of control. He lost his job, the kids abandoned him and he was out on the street. Life looked pretty dismal, and if he didn?t get money soon, he?d surely end up dead.

A crow cawed and he caught a reflection of the sun?s hot rays from his car window. It was a 1982 dodge. Rusted, falling apart and barely able to drive it was his only possession; lately it had become his home.

He blinked once and twitched his head, perhaps in an effort to help concentrate on his task at hand. He could hear the crow cawing in the background as the man, scared for his life, shyly handed over his wallet. Opening the wallet, a look of shock came across his face as he removed exactly thirteen dollars from the billfold. He counted it again, hastily shoved it into his pocket and threw the empty wallet to the ground.

?Thirteen fucking dollars??, he said as the sun glared on his face from the nearby car window. The crow was getting louder now, almost to the point where it was becoming a nuisance. The cops would be here soon, and he was risking going to jail for a measly 13 bucks. This wouldn?t be enough to feed himself; let alone pay for another semester at Brown.

He held the gun out, pointed towards the man. An elderly man, in his early 50?s stood there, eyes glazed, hands twitching, shaking feverously, muttering a silent prayer.

He stood there, grasping his revolver tighter and tighter each moment. He glanced around to see if there were any witnesses of his crime; there were none. What had he done? He risked never being able to see his kids again for little more than the price of a combo meal and a six-pack. A tear formed in his left eye as he thought about what he had let himself become. Angry with himself he vowed never again to let his emotion take control.

?CAW?, went the crow, disturbing his thoughts and causing him to jump slightly. As his stare returned to the victim he caught another of the sun?s reflections and was blinded for a second. Suddenly he heard the crow caw again, this time the animals screech was so loud it was deafening. The sound of 100 fingernails running down a chalkboard filled his head as the ringing still remained in his ears. His body tensed up and his squinting eyes caught one last glimpse of the sun. One last loud noise, and then there was blackness??.

( There are 2 more parts to this story, of which I shall post at a later date)

January 1st, 2005

Quantum Theory, 18th Century Philosophers and God.

I?m sure you?ve heard of the idea of quantum computing and how it can drastically change the world around us, and if you?re anything like me you?re both excited and scared. Being able to test multiple outcomes instantaneously would render cryptography as we know it useless, and vastly improve the superiority of machines. What if, however quantum computers could also help us to understand more deeply the concepts of reality, space and time, and even God.

Truth is, it can; and while they had no means with which to explain it, philosophers as early as the 18th century have understood it. I?m actually getting ahead of myself here, so let me start by explaining a few very very basic ideas of quantum mechanics and modern philosophy.

The theory of quantum computing relies heavily on the fact that subatomic particles appear to ?make decisions?. Not only that, but they do so based upon decisions made elsewhere. The shocking fact is that particles seem to ?know? the results of another decision made somewhere else Instantaneously .(that?s right, no time whatsoever) Better yet, somewhere can be as far away as 2 cm or a completely different galaxy. It doesn?t matter!

Now, if you picture a ?particle? as something that takes up space and has mass, this is definitely hard to grasp. You might be saying something like ?sure, they can communicate, but they have to shout, yell, sign, or send some sort of signal; and this takes time, HockeyGod, you?re insane!? Don?t worry, I was thinking the same thing too until I did some reading on it.

The typical physicist view goes something like this: Maybe, just maybe, particles aren?t really particles at all. Just like every tiniest part of a hologram contains the entire image, and each cell contains the information required to reproduce the entire organism, maybe each particle in fact contains the entire universe. An abstract way of thinking, but it does explain the observed phenomenon. We know particles are organic, maybe they are all part of one big, inseparable organic pattern.

I was reading this the other day when I remembered back to my Modern Philosophy class when we studied a guy by the name of Barach Spinoza. Spinoza is most famous for his one substance doctrine, which is basically a large and complex mathematical proof claiming that there can only be and is only one substance.

?Whoa, what do you mean one substance? I?m sitting here looking at my glass monitor typing on my plastic keyboard, how are you calling those the same?? Spinoza would argue that these are merely ?modes? of the same substance, similar to a wave in an ocean. They are 2 separate modes of one substance: water.

What if there was only one substance, one organic material that was home to all sub-atomic particles and the ?things? that they make up? This would surely allow for particles to ?communicate? with each other, as they are modes of the same thing, and thus would be able to instantaneously know what?s going on with each other. (eg if I heat this cup of coffee, it heats uniformly, each molecule does the same thing instantaneously)

Reading further into Spinoza?s doctrine, one sees that a substance must create itself, as it can not be created from another substance. (this would allow more than one substance, which he claims to have proved can?t exist).

We?ve already acknowledged that this substance is organic, and being the only one it must encompass all known attributes right? What if we called this substance God?

All powerful; creator of the Universe; exists within us all; all knowing; lives outside of time; etc?. I?m sure many religions could take comfort with this too. The sad part is, as long as we live in and experience the world, we?ll never be able to explain it, just observe it. Like a 6 yr old looking at a car. He can tell you what it does, but without being able to open the hood, he?ll never be able to tell you exactly how it works.

I was unable to find the complete one substance doctrine online, however I did find This Site which seems to explain it pretty well.

January 1st, 2005

I hope I never get old.

The following is non-fiction:

?Holy shit, she?s still there,?

I said as I opened the blinds above my computer and looked out the window. I?d like to tell you her name, but I honestly don?t know it. I never really cared to learn it. It didn?t matter though, because there she was. Standing there, staring straight at me, wearing her black Capri pants and her flowery pink shirt which was now soaked with sweat; no doubt from spending the last 4 hours in the hot July sun.

I laughed, and headed to the kitchen to pour myself a nice frosty Heineken. It?d been over 3 hours since I watched her son drop her off. She got out of the car, waved goodbye and off he drove. I remember well, it was right around noon and I had just finished cleaning the car when I watched him pull up.

As I sipped the foam from my beer and headed back to my computer I casually glanced at the clock. The bright neon green numbers now said 3:30. ?What the hell is she doing?? I asked myself as I sat down to read the latest User Friendly and check out what?s new on dotCULT.

Perhaps she was watching something. Maybe she was lost in thought; possibly thinking of her late husband. He lived across the street from me for the last 10 years of my life but I don?t remember his name either. Is she locked out? No, the door is wide open. Is it possible to sleep standing up? That would be a pretty cool skill to learn??

6:00 ? I crawl out of the shower, thrown on my work clothes and re-open the blinds.
?what the hell? There is something seriously wrong with her.? Apparently I?m not the only one to notice now. In fact most of the neighbors are now outside probably wondering the same things that I am. Doesn?t bother her though, she?s been staring at the sky for the last 20 minutes. She doesn?t even know we?re all watching her.

I grab a quick bite to eat and head out for work. As I get in the car I notice a vehicle pull up into her driveway. Her son exits and together they both walk in through the open door and shut it behind them. I laugh and slowly drive off to work.

Now I know what it?s like to be lonely.

January 1st, 2005